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While national awareness of the issue of battering has increased in recent years, certain myths regarding abusive relationships still endure, including the idea that all batterers are alike. But as Neil S. Jacobson, Ph.D., and John Gottman, Ph.D., explain, this is not the case. Drawing on the authors' own research, When Men Batter Women offers a significant breakthrough in our understanding of the men who become batterers—and how to put a stop to the cycle of relationship violence.
After their decade of research with more than 200 couples, the authors conclude that not all batterers are alike, nor is the progression of their violence always predictable. But they have found that batterers tend to fall into one of two categories, which they call "Pit Bulls" and "Cobras." Pit Bulls, men whose emotions quickly boil over, are driven by deep insecurity and an unhealthy dependence on the mates whom they abuse. Pit Bulls also tend to become stalkers, unable to let go of relationships that have ended.
Cobras, on the other hand, are cool and methodical as they inflict pain and humiliation on their spouses or lovers; in one chilling discovery, the authors found that during violent arguments and physical beatings the heart rate of Cobras actually declines. Cobras have often been physically or sexually abused themselves, frequently in childhood, and tend to see violence as an unavoidable part of life.
Knowing which type a batterer is can be crucial to gauging whether an abusive relationship is salvageable (Pit Bulls can sometimes be helped through therapy) or whether the situation is beyond repair. Using the stories of several couples in their study, Jacobson and Gottman look at the dynamics of abusive relationships, refuting prevalent myths ("battering often stops on its own" or "battered women could stop the battering by changing their own behavior"). Never underestimating the inherent risk or danger involved, the authors discuss how women in their study group prepared themselves to leave an abusive relationship, where a battered woman can get help, and how she can keep herself safe.
Written with compassion and insight, When Men Batter Women offers invaluable advice and support to women in abusive relationships, as well as to friends, relatives, and caregivers who want to help.
- Sales Rank: #419919 in Books
- Brand: Brand: Simon n Schuster
- Published on: 2007-01-15
- Released on: 2007-01-15
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 9.25" h x .80" w x 6.12" l, 1.00 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 304 pages
- ISBN13: 9781416551331
- Condition: New
- Notes: BRAND NEW FROM PUBLISHER! 100% Satisfaction Guarantee. Tracking provided on most orders. Buy with Confidence! Millions of books sold!
Most helpful customer reviews
10 of 10 people found the following review helpful.
I Keep Losing Copies to Women Who Say It Saved Their Lives
By P. Hilbish
Several years ago I was lucky enough to chat one on one with Dr. Gottman and left with a signed copy of this book. I treasured it as the book helped save my life, but I've long since gratefully "lost" it to another survivor of domestic violence. Since then I've needed to buy many more copies as the book continues to open the eyes of the battered women I invariably run into. Each time it does, I "lose" another copy of it. To them it had become an invaluable tool and a lifeline in there escape from the hell they were living in. It gave them the necessary insight to see clearly into themselves and what was happening to them. Like them, it helped me enormously and that's why I began to recommend it, and each time I do I see myself in their stunned reactions and awakening to the truth. I'm not a counselor or a professional. I just know that the normal everyday woman can see herself in this book and if it helps her escape then it is invaluable. I never expected that my recommending this book and then "loaning" out my copy would be so helpful to so many women, but it has been. It's a different perspective and one the survivors of abuse can relate to on a fundamental level as it points the way to freedom. I don't search for these women, but I know the distress signals of abuse when I hear them, normally long before anyone sees it. I'll keep buying this book to have on hand when I run into the next woman, and sadly, battering is so prevalent that there is always a next woman. I just gave away my last copy and I think she'll be just fine. Thank you Dr. Gottman and also the late Dr. Jacobsen whose work here keeps his spirit alive. Thank you so much.
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful.
enlightening
By Anne Parker
Jacobsen and Gottman differentiate patterns of violence, different types of violent men as discerned by heart rate no less, and give a great overview of the field that is very accessible. The cobra and pit bull metaphors are really, really useful. I mentally transferred them to male patterned anger that is not physically violent as well as violent: the manipulative cobra vs. the desperate pit bull.
Most violent acts are committed by men, and this book gives a great non pejorative, fact based approach that shows the authors have thoroughly reviewed the literature.
The book is a bit thick and hackneyed regarding advice for women exiting these relationships; they would do well to look closely at traumatic bonding in a future research study.
This book is accessible for a lay reader and a good reference for professionals.
0 of 0 people found the following review helpful.
Surprising and real
By Kiersten R. Baughman
I was recommended to read this book as insight into my research interests, but it became so much more than just another citation. The authors take the mystery out of abuse and place it right in your world. This book is an excellent tool for understanding the intricacies of violence against women and provides hope for victims that change is possible.
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